Welcome back my ForevaBlack babies, today’s topic will be about being comfortable in
your skin, no matter your shade. In the African American community, this is such a huge
controversy: I have seen this topic a lot on social media. You see statuses and comments
like “oh light skin girls are better” or “dark skin girls are not as pretty as lighter
complexions” and even a lot of girls will say “light skin guys aren’t as cute as the darker
ones”, these are just some things I have saw, and I know many of you have probably seen
the same if not worse. The term for these things is “colorism,” the definition of colorism is
prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among
people of the same ethnic or racial group. Although, most people will say “it is just my
preference” at times, that may be true but 90% of the time it is colorism.
Colorism is particularly bad in the women of our race; we always are the ones in the
comments on social media tearing each other apart. Beauty is not based on a skin tone,
and our worth and love is not based on the skin tone either. I do not think we realize how
much these comments can tear us down, or others; mentally, these comments can do
damage. A lot of these are thoughts that we think of ourselves or someone we know has
said things that made us feel that way about ourselves, and we want to project onto others.
Who in your family or friend group has made you feel down because you are lighter, or you
are darker than what they have usually seen or been around? A lot of our black men take
part in this problem as well, there are many black men who will uplift a certain skin tone
above others, and it causes females to think less of themselves because a certain man has
said that they are not worthy because the shade of their skin tone. Doesn’t that sound
crazy to you? Exactly, because it is.
All right, now let us get into the mental health side of things; have you ever wondered how
me being colorist can change other people in a negative way? How can that affect their
mind? Regardless of if you are intentionally being colorist, or unintentionally these things
can affect someone else if they are not secure in who they are or love the skin they are in,
which we will get into that. First, it can lower someone’s self-esteem... if someone is
constantly being judged over their skin tone, which cannot be controlled they can begin to
feel less than. They will begin to consume these negative and shady remarks and not see
themselves as beautiful anymore, or some will take it to the full extremes of trying to
bleach their skin to completely change their look. Secondly, this can lead to anxiety and
depression: those remarks are weighing so heavily on their brain that they are being
tormented with those thoughts, causing them not to sleep well, always feeling
discriminated against. They begin to believe that every person will judge them based off
their skin tone. Another way it can harm someone’s mental state is them struggling to find
their identity: they will start being torn between am I even beautiful and how can I change
who I am or how I look to meet everyone else’s standards? They will want to be accepted
by society, any way they can, and they will lose their sense of self; “society’s standard of
beauty” is changing and ripping them completely of who they are.
I have a few words of encouragement and advice for my men and women, along with some
scriptures that God gave us in his love letter to us (Bible). I want to start off by saying, if you
are a part of the colorism issue or have ever been... do some reflecting after reading this
blog, how can you be better with this? How can you change to help be a solution in our
community by not tearing others down? We are all so loved and worthy, no matter the
shade of our skin. Black is beautiful in all shades, you being lighter or darker does not
determine your beauty or worth. I believe we have all been there, us not being someone’s
first choice because of how light or dark we are... but there are also some people who have
never experienced that. With me being a plus size, darker girl... I have been discriminated
against a lot within my own community, and it used to hurt me and caused me to have low
self-esteem but with me being the confident, beautiful young lady I am now; comments
like that can no longer hurt me. So, I also want to say, love on you. Be comfortable in your
own skin, never allow someone else to validate your worth or beauty. You are handsome,
you are beautiful and that is something no one else can ever take away from you. I don’t
know about anyone else, but I love the shade God made me. To my men, you are
handsome and God’s beautiful creations as well. I know society teaches men not to be so
caught up in their looks, or that is “sassy” to call yourselves handsome but let’s make it
normal to say, “I am handsome, and I am just as worthy as a female.” God created us all,
and he saw beauty in all of us. My black men, you are worthy, you are talented, and just as
precious as females and it is okay to say certain comments that are made hurts you.
I want to leave you with some scriptures that you can speak over yourself when someone
makes a comment about you, or those thoughts begin to creep in.
Song of Solomon 4:7 “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”
Psalm 139: 13-14 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my
mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Add comment
Comments